Act Your Age
by TimelessTears
Summary: Allen accidentally gets doused with a deaging potion and everyone learns he was anything but sweet. Allen's snarky, Kanda's himself, Lenalee's helpful, and Ravi schemes to show a 10 year old Allen how to have fun.


**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man**

Really, it had been Komui's fault.

He'd gotten another grand (disastrous) idea and turned it into something that the world most defiantly didn't need now and most certainly not in the future. This is why one sleep deprived Reever found himself in charge of destroying the stupid thing.

All he had to do was flush it down the sink; but that's beside the point. Knowing Komui, the mysterious substance,-which the science team had unanimously decided they didn't even _want_ to know what it could do after seeing Komui's wicked grin- would probably turn into some kind of monster and eat him whole.

Well, at least he'd be able to catch up on some sleep if that was the case.

So focused on just getting rid of the elixir, he wasn't paying attention to the other people in the hallway. For this reason, he missed the person coming in the opposite direction carrying so many books that it blocked their vision.

A collision was imminent.

Hell, Reever didn't even _realize _he'd crashed into somebody until he heard an 'oomph!', the sound of books falling, glass shattering, and an ominous 'poof!'. His frame was sturdier, so he remained upright, but the other person had fallen to the floor. Apparently, so had that evil potion that he'd been on his way to destroy.

Seeing the cotton candy smoke fill the air with glittery sparkles (which, for some reason, were shaped like teddy bears), he _knew_ it was _far, far_ worse than he had first imagined. Bending down, he began to remove the books that had fallen on the poor soul that he had crashed into.

"Crap! I'm really sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going and. . ." He trailed off in shock.

The next thing he realized was that Allen Walker really did have the worst luck in the world.

* * *

"You are so adorable! Not as adorable as Lenalee of course, but no one can beat my sister in the cuteness factor!" Komui squealed as he took in the little boy sitting on the examination desk.

He had reddish brown hair falling to his shoulders, big blue eyes, and an endearing little pout painted on his face. His clothes were far too big making him look even smaller than he was.

"Um, brother? Maybe you shouldn't say that." Lenalee said gently when she noticed the boy give the hyper man a rather mean glare. Though, truthfully, she too had to fend off the urge to hug the little boy.

An hour ago, Reever had burst into the room with the child in his arms. He had been out of breath and the only thing they had gotten out of him was "Allen. ..child. . .so . . .sorry" before he passed out from a mixture of exhaustion and panic, leaving them to stew and wonder about his words.

"I still say he's Allen's love child." Ravi mumbled as he rubbed his sore head where Bookman had hit him.

"Quiet you." The old man snapped as he smacked his apprentice again. "We should just ask the child and we will know."

"Boy, what is your name?" Bookman asked as he walked over to where the boy was sitting. In return, the boy raised an eyebrow.

"I'll tell ya if ya bring me some proper clothes and a hair tie; otherwise you ain't gettin' jack outta me." He said in a haughty voice.

Well, that was certainly. . .unexpected.

"Of course." Bookman conceded, and quickly ordered the others to find the said items. It took about half-an hour because the boy refused to wear anything from the Orient ("I said proper! Do I look Asian to _you_?"), overalls and a simple long sleeve white shirt were found in the end, as well as a hair tie. Lenalee had even managed to find some small shoes for him to wear as well.

"Now, what is your name?" Bookman asked sternly as the child inspected his new clothes he had just put on. In response he just shrugged and replied, "Name's Allen."

That made to room go silent.

"What did you just say?" Ravi asked hoarsely. Allen gave him a scathing glare before responding.

"What are you deaf? You heard me! It's Allen; not Al, not Allie boy, not Little Al, or whatever other stupid nicknames you try to come up. Just Allen, and I swear I'll hurt you somethin' fierce it you ask me to spell it out for you." Well, they had to give it to the kid, he had a sharp tongue on him.

"What about bean sprout?" Ravi asked in a teasing voice. This kid reminded him so much of Yu!

"You're lucky I don't have a knife on me to stab you with, you wanker!" The kid growled.

"Now, now, enough death threats; it only makes you look cuter." Komui said as he patted the child on the head. "Hey Allen? Can I see your left arm?" The boy had forced them all out of the room when he was changing, and Komui noticed that when they came back in, the boy had kept his left hand tucked into his pocket.

"That depends," The child started out shrewdly, "Are you going to call me a witch or demon spawn and try to burn me on a cross?" The look in his eyes told the others that while he was being sarcastic, he was also ready to fight if that was the case.

"Of course not." Komui told him in a soft voice as he looked at him with sad eyes.

"Oi, wipe that look off your face! I don't need yer pity!" Allen said with a roll of his eyes as he brought out his left hand for the man to inspect.

It was red, with black finger nails and a cross imbedded in the middle of the hand. Gasps were heard from behind.

"Brother what. . ." Lenalee trailed off, unsure of what to say. Everyone went hush as they stared at the arm.

"Are ya done lookin' at me like I'm some sort of freak?" Allen asked as he jerked his arm back and stuffed it into his pocket.

"We weren't-" Lenalee was cut off as Allen waved his normal hand in the air. "Yeah, yeah, I _know_; you weren't thinkin' that right? _Please_, if you're gonna lie at least come up with somethin' decent. Everyone stares at this stupid arm, and everyone thinks the same thing; freak, devil, or monster. Depends on yer perspective I guess."

"No one thinks you're a freak." Ravi said softly.

"Right and I suppose yer attitudes jus' changed dramatically for no good reason?"

It was here that Reever woke up from nearby couch where they had set him.

"Ugh. What happened? Why am I- oh crap! Allen!" Jumping off the couch like a man on fire, the Australian rushed over to the little boy and stared at him. Reever's eyes filled with tears as he dropped to his knees (Allen looked a little uncertain at this and began eyeing the door with a vigor.) as if in shock.

Quick as a flash, Reever had Allen in a bear hug. Ignoring the tykes muffled 'Git yer hands off of me!", Reever stage whispered in a hoarse voice, "I am so sorry." before letting go.

Then, before any could react, Reever got back on his feet, walked over to Komui and stared at him. Just stared.

"Yes my lovely assistant?" Komui asked as he sipped his coffee.

"What . . .did. . you. . .do . ." It started out as a mumble but quickly turned into outright screaming as Reever grabbed the man's shoulders and began to shake him forcefully. "WHAT DID YOU MAKE? STUPID MAN! WHY CAN'T YOU DO YOUR WORK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, AND NOT TEMPT THE FATE OF THE WORLD WITH YOUR SICK EXPERIMENTS! WHY? . . . .why. . . .?" It ended in a dramatic, tiny defeated whisper, as Komui laughed and patted Reever on the head.

"Life's no fun all work and no play! Now go do your work!" A dark mumble of 'it's your paperwork' was heard as Reever walked over to the mountain on paper work that needed to be done.

The soft click of the door closing was heard and Ravi realized they were short one person. Namely, the one person who should be watched at all cost. Opening the door, he rushed out to see Allen strolling casually down the hallway. For such a tiny person he'd gotten really far in a short amount of time.

"Hey!" Ravi called out as he ran towards the kid. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked, slightly out of breath when he'd caught up. An eyebrow was raised and a bored look was all he received.

"I'm leaving, can't you see that? I don't know how I got here, but I need to get back to the circus. Some of us have to work for a living. Only problem is I don't know where they're at. Do you? You should, 'cause I was brought here somehow. If you could be so kind as to tell me how to get back to the circus from this. . .what is this place, exactly? Blimey, it better not be an asylum!"

"No, no, this isn't an asylum." Ravi said with a sweat drop when Allen gave him a glare that said '_I beg to differ'_, and Ravi had to agree, some of the members of the Order would be right at home in one.

"I can't take you back to the circus because they already left for the next town. But! I can defiantly show you around this place. C'mon, it'll be fun!" Feeling oddly like a kidnapper(and loving every moment of it), Ravi grabbed the boy's wrist and dragged him down the hallway, ignoring the yells aimed at him from the said runt.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Science Department. . .

"A week? Allen's stuck like that for a week?" A panicky Lenalee yelled at her brother.

"Relax little sister! Look on the bright side! At least this potion doesn't need an antidote because it wears off on its own! Don't stress out your delicate body over such a little problem." Komui replied with a silly grin.

"Little problem? Brother, Allen's ten years old! His arms reverted backwards and the curse on his eye has vanished! This is a big problem! What if the Earl decides to make his move? What then? I'm telling you right now, Destroyer of Time or not, my friend _will not_ be fighting in ten year old body!" Lenalee said before taking in a big gulp of air. Nods from the others in the Science department showed they agreed with her.

"Lenalee, I would never do that to Allen. If the Earl does make his move, we have enough people to last a week even without Allen. As for his eye and arm. . .well, it's not so much that they reverted, more like they're dormant." Komui finished.

"Dormant?" Lenalee asked with some slight skepticism.

"Yes." Komui replied not even looking up from his paperwork.

"Explain." His little sister demanded it a curt tone and he fought back the urge to squeal and glomp her. She was so cute and adorable! He was so lucky to have such a darling little sister! If any man dared to touch her inappropriately or try to woo her, Komui would ram his power drill right up their-

Um, back to the topic at hand.

"My little elixir reverts the vict- user back to the exact state they were when they were that age. I'm sure everyone noticed Allen was rather thin and had a few bruises, yes?" His sharp eyes took in the somber nods before continuing. "However, the potion cannot rid the user of any powers, specialties, or maladies magical or otherwise; the best it can do is suppress them; the same with memories and their personality. If the user is put under a lot of stress, a life or death situation for instance, the special traits can be forced back out. But it would be painful; like having your bones crushed while be cooked alive over an open fire surrounded by cannibals." He let loose a cheerful grin at all the (now) pale people in the room who looked a tad ill at the description. "Thankfully, that won't happen as long as chibi Allen stays here!"

"Brother. . ." Lenalee started off after a long awkward silence. "Exactly, why did you make that potion?"

"I was bored." He replied with a shrug before sipping his coffee.

* * *

As Komui had been explaining things to Lenalee and the rest, Ravi had taken it upon himself to show 'Chibi Beanie', as he now called Allen mentally, around the Black Order. Like the others, he also noticed Allens' skinny frame and decided the first and best stop would be the kitchen.

"Just wait and see! Jerry makes the best food in the world; you'll love it, I swear." He told the snarling little demon that he was currently dragging with a sunny smile.

"Well that's mighty nice 'n fine, but I don't want to go to yer bloody kitchen. I need to get back to the circus!" Allen growled as he viciously tried to claw his hand out of Ravi grip with no success.

"I told you they already left for the next town." Ravi said with a slight frown as he stopped, looking at Allen. Allen stopped trying to amputate his kidnappers arm and raised one eyebrow.

"Yer point bein'? They'r in the next town over, not across the country. I jus' gotta hitch a ride on the next train an' catch up with 'em. Ain't no sweat off my back; just loose a little pay is all." The boy ended glancing at the floor.

'_Yeah, but you left out the part where they beat and starve you as punishment.' _Ravi thought with an irritated huff as he picked Allen up and settled the startled boy on his back. Piggy back style.

"W-What do you think yer doin' wanker?" The stunned boy questioned.

"What's it look like? We're going the kitchen." The 'duh' at the end was silent, but heard none the less.

"Are you deaf or somethin'? I jus' said-"

"Oh, I heard you. I just decided to ignore it. There's no way I'm gonna let little ol' you try to catch a train by yourself. That would be _so_ irresponsible of me."

"Berk! I can take of myself. No one asked you, ya effin' kidnapper." Allen snapped back in righteous fury as he punched Ravi in the head.

"Whoa! That cute little mouth is getting a bit dirty! Tone it done, ok?" Ravi whined as he rubbed his head.

"Shud up. I'll do what I want." The boy grumbled back darkly before crossing his arms and huffing. Ravi fought back a grin and would have bet anything that the boy was pouting.

D'awwww.

"Well, here we be." Ravi said triumphantly as they stood in front of the doors that led to the kitchen. Before he could enter though, tiny hands yanked on his thick red hair.

"Hold it right there, Red. If we're goin' in, then I will be walkin'. Got that?"

"Ouch! Got it! Got it! Yeesh! No need to pull on the hair little man! That's what draws in the ladies." Ravi said rubbing his head after he set Allen on the floor. Allen snorted at this, but surprisingly offered a mumbled 'sorry' as Ravi pushed the doors open.

Inside there were a few finders scattered about the room eating at different tables, but none bother to look up or greet the two who had walked in. As Allen took in the room with only a little astonishment showing through his frown, Ravi seized the moment and took Allen to the window where food was ordered.

"It's real simple." He told the kid as they reached the window. "All you got to do is say what you want to eat and Jerry will whip right up, ain't that right Jerry?" Ravi said to an Indian man who was currently whisking something in a bowl.

"Well of course- oh? And who is this darling little sugarplum?" The man squealed as he took in Allen, practically leaning out the window to get a better view. Most people were a bit overwhelmed when first meeting Jerry, but Allen took it in stride without batting an eyelash.

"The names Allen, sir." He said with a tiny bow of his head before gazing around the room again. Jerry raised an eyebrow and even with his sunglasses on, Ravi could feel the question of 'Is that who I think it is?' being directed his way. He gave a hasty nod and mouthed 'Komui', which was more than enough for the cook to get the picture.

"You are just the cutest thing I've seen all day!" Jerry said as he tried to squeeze Allen's cheeks but missed as the child skillfully dodged. Pouting slightly but not making a fuss about it, Jerry asked what they wanted to eat.

"Just a burger and some fries for me." Ravi said with a lazy wave of the hand. The feminine cook hummed as he wrote it down on a notepad before turning to their (pseudo)new guest.

"And what can I get for the wee man?" he asked mentally preparing for request of countless foods he'd be asked to make.

"Uh," Allen's eyes darted nervously around the room, and Ravi wondered if this was the first time someone had asked the boy what he wanted to eat, before the silver-blue eyes looked at the floor mumbling he'd be fine with leftovers.

Jerry took offense to that.

"Child, we don't have leftovers here. Leftovers are for dogs and I don't serve that in my kitchen to anyone, ok?" He said sternly and received a nod. Satisfied, he asked again, "Now what can I get you for supper?"

"Well. . .if it's not too much trouble, maybe some chicken an' corn along with some scallops?" Allen asked while biting his lower lip. Ravi raised an eyebrow at this. The boy had been so tough earlier, why the sudden change of behavior?

The answer became clear after they both sat down with their food. Ravi dove in immediately, but Allen poked at his chicken with a suspicious look. After a few moments of this behavior, Ravi sighed.

"C'mon, why aren't you eating? Jerry's a great cook! The way you're poking at your food, you'd think someone had poisoned it. . ." he trailed off in shock as Allen gave him a wide eyed look.

No way.

No one would have tried that on him. . .would they?

'_They would.'_ Ravi thought as his fist clenched in anger, before viciously taking his fork and stabbing it harshly into the chicken, taking out a big chunk; startling Allen in the process.

"There, you see?" He asked gently after he had downed the food. "No poison. Same with your side dishes, so stop being so fretful okay? Nothing, and I mean _nothing _like that will happen to you here. Not as long as I'm around!" Those big blue eyes stared into his one green one, and for a moment Ravi would swear that Allen had been looking at his soul, his gaze was so intense. Satisfied with what he saw, the boy mumbled an 'ok.' And hesitantly ate his food, still half-expecting to drop dead.

"Where am I?" Allen asked after a moment and Ravi took the time to explain about the Black Order while leaving out some of the more gory details and focusing more on the religious aspects.

"So why haven't they tried to burn me?" Allen asked sarcastically.

"Excuse me?"

"The last church I was in tried to, ah, _purify_ the demon that had possessed me."

"You don't have any demons inside you." Ravi quickly said afraid that, in this form, Allen might really believe that he did.

"I ain't stupid, Red." The boy snapped before gazing down at his cursed hand, blue eyes turning melancholic. "It ain't never dun anything except look funny. . ." he trailed off, eyes filling with tears, because even tough ten year old little boys need to cry sometimes.

Ravi, not liking the look or mood his comrade had gone into, decided it was time to change topics.

"C'mon! I still haven't shown you the rest of HQ yet!" He yelled enthusiastically as he pulled Allen back into the hall.

"Wha-? Hey wait! I wasn't dun eatin' you twat!"

* * *

"Whew." Ravi sighed wiping his sweaty forehead as he softly shut the door so as not awake the sleeping child on the other side. "What a day. . .sweet dreams little bean sprout." He whispered as he walked back towards Komui's office, not surprised to find the man waiting for him.

"How was he?" The scientist asked quietly, a serious light shining in his dark eyes as he took in the young bookman in training.

"Behavior wise? A little on the bratty side with a sharp tongue, but he never tried to escape or attack me, so we can count that as a good thing." The red head sighed as he sat on the couch.

"Jerry told me he noticed Allen poking around with his food; not digging in like usual, any reason behind that?"

"Oh man, you have no idea, Chief!" Ravi groaned. "The poor kid thought it was poisoned. Probably thought Jerry poured rat poison on it or something. I had to take a bite before he even tried, just to show him it wasn't." He ended looking at the Chinese man who wore a shocked look on his face.

"Why would he think something like that?" He asked horrified, even though his mind already had an idea.

"Allen didn't give me any stories, but it's obvious it happened to him more than once. And that's just one issue out of many. I don't know how he did it, but Mana Walker must have been a miracle worker to be able to turn that broken little boy into our Allen."

"Indeed." Komui agreed.

There was a comfortable silence between the two before Komui spoke up again.

"So how did you convince him to stay? From what I heard he was arguing with you endlessly on getting back to the circus the whole time you showed him around."

"Hah! He was a persistent little midget, I'll give him that. I ended up telling him the circus would come back through town next week and he could rejoin them then. He asked how he had ended it up here –I'm actually surprised it took him so long- and I just told him we found him outside on the side of the road out cold." Ravi grinned.

"I see. . .and how has he taken in everything so far?"

"Well he was pretty quiet whenever we meant someone. I don't think he really enjoys interacting with people, but he put up with it, and gave everyone we ran into a polite greeting, albeit they were a bit cold." Ravi tapped his chin thoughtfully before giving Komui a smirk.

"Oi, you don't have to worry about him seducing Lenalee in any way." Komui cocked an eyebrow at that.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's _terrified_ of women. We ran into Linalee again, and he basically hid behind me after he said hello to her. It took some time but I finally got him to spill once we were alone; apparently somewhere along the line, someone told our dear sweet Allen that women use their, ah, 'womanly wiles' on men and eat their souls when they kiss!" Ravi ended with a laugh and Komui couldn't help but chuckle too.

"Someone really told him that? I can't believe he believed it, if he's as distrustful as you say."

"Distrustful yes, but Allen never had anyone explain things to him so he really doesn't know much; he relies on hearsay about that sort of stuff. I'm not saying he's dumb!" Ravi exclaimed. "I was surprised he could read as well as he could, but I don't think he can write; kid never went to school and no one bothered to help him learn, so he had to do everything himself; typical life for a street kid." Giving Komui another grin, he continued. "But this week will be different. I'm gonna make sure Allen has the time to be a kid and enjoy himself."

"Ravi," Komui started out cautiously, "It won't be that simple. Allen's not use that sort of luxury, he might not know how to handle it."

"Hey! Have a little more faith in me, Chief! Trust me, by the end of the week Allen will have a big grin on his face." Ravi said confidently.

* * *

The next morning found Ravi in a panic. The sun hadn't even risen, he had awoken with his left side oddly sore, and he had already lost Allen, or more specifically, the boy had left while Ravi was still asleep. Honestly, what type of kid got up before the crack of dawn?

Little hellions. Ravi decided as he raced down hallways looking everywhere for Allen. Little hellions who enjoyed giving people heart attacks.

Two hours later and he still hadn't found the boy.

"Ravi?" Lenalee asked in concern at seeing the red head curled up on the ground in a fetal position. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, Lenalee!" He cried dramatically, clinging to her legs. "It's horrible! I'm the worst caretaker in the history of caretakers! Even worse than that orphanage owner in 1732 who sold the building and all the children inside to a dastardly Count! Even worse than that London barber who killed people and turned them into meat pies! Even worse-"

"Ravi, just tell me what you did." Lenalee said, cutting him off.

"I lost Allen."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I lost the midget! It's because I only have one eye, I swear! If I had two it never would have happened." He told her with a desperate look on his face, like he was expecting her to send him to the guillotine.

"Ravi, Allens' in the kitchen." Lenalee told him.

"He left while I was sleeping so- wait, what?"

"Yeah, he's been there helping Jerry."

". . ."

"Did you even check the kitchen?" She asked with a raised eyebrow and he shook his head in response.

"Well stop clawing at my legs and go!" She told him, exasperated.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly, before giving her a hug and saying thanks. Rushing off to the kitchen, he quickly went up to the window to talk to Jerry.

"Hello Ravi, what can I get you today?" The chef asked.

"Allen." He said breathlessly.

"Now I know I said I could make anything, but I don't do cannibalism. Sorry."

"Gah! No! Is Allen here?" Ravi asked annoyed.

"Oh yes!" Jerry gushed, moving aside so Ravi could see behind him. There he was, Allen standing on a stool doing dishes.

"Why's he doing dishes? Did he upset you?" Ravi asked because it was commonly known that people only helped in Jerry's kitchen if they pissed the cook off.

"Nope! Found him here this morning waiting for me. He told me he wanted to help; to earn his keep he said." Jerry smiled while shaking his head fondly. "I told him it wasn't necessary, but he wouldn't budge, so I gave in and let him do some dishes left over from last night and clean the counters. He's been a great help!" The cook gushed.

"Well that's great and all, but tell him he's done enough for the day." Ravi said, still staring at Allen, who was completely focused on his task and not paying attention to his surroundings.

"Oh Allen!" Jerry called, causing the boy to jerk sharply at the unexpected noise. Allen turned to look at Jerry uncertain of what the man wanted. "That's enough for day sweetie, take the rest of the day off m'kay, hun?"

Carefully setting down the plate he was drying, Allen slowly got down from the stool and walked over to Jerry.

"Are you sure?" He asked in what Ravi could have sworn was a concerned voice. "There's still a lot of dishes and-"

"Nonsense!" Jerry interrupted the boy with a shaking hand. "I can find someone else to take of those. You've done enough, go ahead and eat something and then relax." Allen stood there looking at the cook with a blank stare. "What are you waiting for? Shoo! Shoo!" Jerry said making the universal shooing sign with his hands and lightly pushed the boy out the doors that led to the outer part of the kitchen.

"You heard him bean sprout." Ravi said with a grin, before grabbing the boys' hand. "Let's grab some grub!"

After grabbing said grub, the duo sat down at the same table they ate at yesterday.

"So what made you decide to help Jerry?" Ravi asked between mouthfuls of food.

"I ain't some lazy fleabag!" The boy said, eyes flashing. "I earns my keep." He said proudly, puffing up his thin chest.

'_Yeah, and you were probably making sure Jerry really didn't keep any dangerous chemicals in his kitchen.' _Ravi thought cynically, but couldn't really blame the boy; he would've done the same thing if he was in Allen's shoes.

"Alright, but next time wake me up before going somewhere, ok? I don't want you getting lost, this place is pretty big." Then again, Ravi thought in amusement, little Allen seemed to have his directions down a lot better than big Allen. Maybe that was also part of the curse he received from Mana? If so, Ravi would laugh at that.

"But I _did_ wake you up." Allen told him, brow wrinkling in confusion.

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. It was pretty hard. I ended up kickin' you in the side. You snore really loud!" He said at the end and Ravi couldn't tell if that was to derive away from said kicking (which explained _so_ much) or just to complain.

Well, either way he was offended.

"I don't snore!" He said heatedly.

"Tell that to my bleedin' ears!" The Chibi Beanie shot back.

"Well you didn't have to kick me! Shaking works just as good."

"I did shake you!" Allen said a frustrated look. "You jus' rolled over, an' at one point you pulled me on yer stupid bed and rolled over on me!"

Opps. Now he felt bad.

"Sorry?" Ravi offered weakly, because apparently this had become a life or death situation for his friend.

"Twit! Do it again and I'll stab you." Allen mumbled darkly before returning to his food.

Ravi took this as a sign that he was forgiven and after eating hauled Allen away to show him what fun was.

As it turned out, it was a lot harder than it looked.

Everything he showed Allen that a normal ten year old would love, the boy just snorted and called it stupid before walking away to help anyone who needed help (and this ranged from everything from filing papers to labor work. Him and Lenalee lectured Komui after finding the man teaching Allen to forge his signature so he wouldn't have to do paperwork).

This routine happened the next few days; Allen finding ways to 'earn his keep', Ravi kidnapping him to show him how to relax, Allen getting bored/ annoyed and leaving.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Then Wednesday came.

And Kanda Yu came back from a mission.

"So did you have fun?" Komui asked after Kanda finished relying his mission.

"I killed shit." Kanda responded and Komui decided this meant the exorcist had the time of his life.

"Well everything seems to be in order. You're dismissed." As Kanda walked toward the door, Komui remembered the 'Little Problem'.

"Oh! Wait Kanda! There's something you need to know! Allen's been-" He was cut off as the 'Little Problem' slammed the door open.

"You effin' red headed psycho kidnapper! Leave me alone!" The boy shouted over his shoulder, before running straight into Kanda's legs hard enough to cause him to fall on his butt.

There was pure silence for a moment as Komui watched and Ravi poked his head through the door.

Then Kanda pulled out his sword.

"What the hell is this thing?" He asked seriously, pointing his sword at Allen who was sprawled on the floor.

"It's a child Yu." Ravi explained from the door. "They come into existence sometimes after two people have-"

"Ravi, shut up before I gut you! I know how they get here."

"Just making sure you knew about the birds and bees."

"The birds and the bees will be feasting on your carcass when I'm done with you!" At the end of this threat, Allen decided to make his presence known again.

"Oi! Get this thing out of my face you bloody transvestite!"

Again, pure silence.

"What did you just call me?" Kanda asked through clenched teeth. He had no idea what a 'transvestite' was, but he knew it was an insult.

"You heard me she-man." The boy smirked. Well, that cleared up what a transvestite was.

"Child," Kanda grounded out, "I will _annihilate_ you."

The boy snorted.

Yeah, snorted.

"With what? That toothpick of a sword? Good luck, Mr. He-she."

"Big words for a midget." Kanda snarled.

"Easy, Yu, easy." Ravi said nervously as he walked into the room. "C'mon, he's just a kid."

"I don't care if he's the key to world peace. No one gets away saying stuff like that to my face without paying a price."

"Not my fault you can't face the truth." Allen piped up, and for one moment Ravi almost considered letting Kanda get his hands on the boy; just to what would happen. Thankfully for Allen, Ravi decided to tackle Kanda to the ground before he could touch the boy.

"Run Allen! Run for your life!" Ravi yelled desperately as he held a struggling swordsman spitting various insults on the ground.

Allen doesn't run. He stands up, brushes off some imaginary dirt, sniffs disdainfully at them, and casually walks away. Again, Ravi considers letting Kanda go, but decides against it; just barely.

After Kanda calmed down (which took some time), things were finally explained to the still fuming swordsman.

"So that was Moyashi?"

"Yeah, so you can't kill him Yu! He's our comrade."

"Che. Whatever. If he comes near me, I'll do unspeakable things to him; and don't call me Yu!" Kanda told Ravi.

"Unspeakable things? Like rape? 'Cause I can't let you do that."

"Dumbass Rabbit!" Kanda snarled before leaving. Ravi just shrugged and looked at a rather confused Komui.

"What? If I can't eat Allen, then Kanda can't rape him." Ravi said defensively.

Komui shook his head slowly.

"I have absolutely _no idea_ what you're on about."

"That's fine. Now I need to think of something criminally condemning that Lenalee can't do to Allen. Child slavery maybe?"

"Ravi."

"Yeah?"

"Get out of my office before I kill you for even suggesting such a thing about my darling sister!"

* * *

Thursday was basically a repeat of Monday and Tuesday except that when Ravi found Allen, he discovered the boy had slightly repaired his relationship with Kanda after seeing the Japanese man practicing.

"But he still looks like a girl." Allen told Ravi stubbornly.

"Well just don't say it to his face again. You could die, no, you WILL die."

Ravi also finally figured out that if Allen liked you, you got a (slightly degrading) nickname. He was 'Psycho Kidnapper', Kanda was 'She-man', and Lenalee, who Allen decided was 'ok for a girl' after drinking tea with her several times, got the nickname 'China Doll".

Friday came.

And Allen discovered some fun at last.

Only, it wasn't the type of fun Ravi was hoping he would discover.

The runt wasn't in any of his usual places, and Ravi was worried that he might have walked into one of the rooms that held Komui's failed experiments. Thankfully that wasn't the case.

Nope, Ravi finally found the boy with a group of Finder's.

Playing cards.

Oh yeah. And the saddest part?

That little punk was still winning every fricken' round, only with a wicked grin in place of his usual gentle smile.

"Royal Flush!" A young voice called out victoriously.

"Gah!" Came the horrified reply of the losers.

"Pay up chumps!"

In another life, Ravi was positive Allen would be a card shark. . .or maybe a debt collector.

Badly wanting to interrupt and take Allen away, Ravi decided against it, and let the boy have his, erm, fun.

* * *

"I just don't get it Yu!" Ravi groaned as he sat on his friend's bed.

"Don't call me that. . .and get the hell out of my room while you're at it."

"I mean, I showed him everything a regular ten year old would enjoy and he just tossed it aside like it bored him." Ravi continued, ignoring Kanda and just venting.

"I wouldn't do anything you'd give me either. Can't blame the kid; now get out." Kanda grunted.

"I just wanted him to relax y'know? Have some fun, enjoy himself and what does he do? Work! And, and gamble! Seriously, what ten year old does that? This was supposed to be like a clean slate for him; so he wouldn't have to worry about all the shitty stuff that's happened to him."

"Idiot rabbit." Kanda said, punching him in the head.

"Ouch! What the hell Yu?"

"This wasn't a 'clean slate' for stupid Moyashi; it's just an old one being reused momentarily." Kanda grunted. "The brat can't act like a normal 10 year old because he doesn't know how. He's seen too much even now to just be normal, so stop your pmsing. Look, you got him to trust that nothing would be put in his food and he walks around with his arm uncovered now, right? Isn't that enough?"

Ravi stared at Kanda, who looked away with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Ravi glomped him.

"Yu does care! I'm so happy!" The red head cried dramatically.

"Moron! I only said that motivational crap so you would leave!"

* * *

Saturday came and it was found out that Komui lied.

That potion lasted six days, not a week.

Ravi would know because he woke up to a naked Allen sleeping next to him. He almost screamed, but decided he'd rather have some fun instead.

Allen blinked his blue eyes a few times before actually waking up a bit.

"Urg. What happened? I don't recall going to sleep. . ." He trailed off when he realized he was lying on a rather hard pillow.

A pillow that knew how to breathe.

Slowly, he turned his head on the naked chest to find a mischievous green eye looking back.

"Hey beautiful." Ravi purred, yes _purred_, as he wove his hand through Allen's hair.

"Wasn't last night just phantasmagorical?" He asked the still shell-shocked teen.

It took a moment to sink in, but it did.

And Allen screamed and pushed him off the bed.

It was just Ravi's luck that he landed on the side that Allen had bruised earlier that week.

Brat.

**End**.

* * *

**A/N: This thing has been on my computer forever (seriously, it's been a LONG time)! I thought about deleting it but couldn't bring myself to do it. Anywho's, I know there's a lot of child!Allen fics out there, but I haven't come across any that show him as a tough little street boy. I intended for this to just be plain humor/crack (please don't read too much into the bed scene at the end) but some more angsty stuff clawed it's was in. Lol, and Ravi got a bigger part than I thought he would.**

**I tried to make little Allen's speech pattern more rough. I don't want to say Cockney per say, because I don't know enough about the speech pattern.**

**Chibi Beanie. **_**I**_** thought it was funny. . .**

**Hope you enjoyed! And always remember, friends that play slightly humiliating jokes on you are still your friends. . .they just sorta suck (like Ravi).**


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